45 Lessons

Once in a while it’s good to be reminded of what’s essential in this world. Amidst all the daily chaos, words of wisdom keep us grounded. I’d like to share with you an email I received again today.

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.”
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain .
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words — In five years, will this matter?
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

Your Success – Your Responsibility

Who is Responsible for Your Success? …   by Jack Canfield

This isn’t a trick question. Certainly you know the answer–the person who has been responsible for the life you live right now: YOU.

Everything about you is a result of your doing or not doing… Your income. Debt. Relationships. Health. Fitness level. Attitudes and behaviors. I think everyone knows this in their hearts, but often times people convince themselves into thinking that external factors are the source of their failure, disappointment, and unhappiness. External factors do not determine how you live. YOU are in complete control of the quality of your life.

When I hear people complain about the state of their life (be it their problems with personal finances, weight, their jobs, or general dissatisfaction) I like to help them see things differently. If they feel “stuck” and unable to move forward for whatever reason, I ask them to scrutinize both what is working well and what isn’t working well in their life and see how they’ve arrived at where they currently are. For example, if a woman tells me she’s unhappy with her weight–she travels frequently, and has no to time to exercise or seek healthy foods–I point out that her weight is not a result of her travels and schedule. It’s an outcome of what she chooses to eat and how she chooses to move, regardless of her daily agenda. Why not make a conscious effort to pre-plan healthy meals and snacks, even if it’s on the go, and sneak in 10 minutes here and 10 minutes there to be physically active (hey, I know some frequent flyers who make it a habit of running through airports!).

If you’re frustrated with any area in your life, then it’s time to take a little inventory. Certainly there are wonderful things happening, whether it’s your job, your romantic relationship, your children, your friends, or your income level. Your accomplishments are just as important as your missteps.

First, congratulate yourself on your successes; and then take a look at what isn’t working out so well. What are you doing or not doing to create those experiences?

Watch out! If you find yourself beginning to complain about everything but the choices you’ve made, then you need to take a step back. See if you can stop blaming outside factors for your unhappiness. When you realize that you–and only you–create your experiences, you’ll realize that you can un-create them and forge new experiences whenever you want. How empowering is that!

You must take responsibility for your happiness and your unhappiness, your successes and your failures, your good times and your bad times. All too often we choose to claim the successes and blame the failures on others or other circumstances. When you stop blaming, however, you can take that energy and redirect it to focus on shaping a better situation for yourself. Blaming only ties up your energy. Imagine roping all the energy into a positive effort.

Some ideas to make this happen: Believe, Believe, Believe! Have unwavering faith in yourself, for good and bad. Make the decision to accept the fact that you create all your experiences. You will experience successes thanks to you, and you will experience pain, struggle, and strife thanks to you. Sounds a little strange, but accepting this level of responsibility is uniquely empowering. It means you can do, change, and be anything. Stumbling blocks become just that–little hills to hop over.

Take no less than 100% responsibility.  Successful people take full responsibility for the thoughts they think, the images they visualize, and the actions they take. They don’t waste their time and energy blaming and complaining. They evaluate their experiences and decide if they need to change them or not. They face the uncomfortable and take risks in order to create the life they want to live.

Stop complaining.  Look at what you are complaining about. I’m fat. I’m tired. I can’t get out of debt. I won’t ever get a better job. I can’t stand the relationship I have with my sister. I’ll never find a soulmate in life. Really examine your complaints. More than likely you can do something about them. They are not about other people, other things, or other events. They are about YOU.

Make an immediate change. Are you unhappy about something that is happening right now? Make requests that will make it more desirable to you, or take the steps to change it yourself. Making a change might be uncomfortable for you. It might mean you have to put in more time, money, and effort. It might mean that someone gets upset about it, or makes you feel bad about your decision. It might be difficult to change or leave a situation, but staying put is your choice so why continue to complain? You can either do something about it or not. It is your choice and you have responsibility for your choices.

Pay attention. Looking to others for help and guidance is helpful, but don’t forget to stay tuned in to yourself–your behavior, attitude, and life experiences. Identify what’s working and what isn’t. If you need to, write it all down.

Then… Face the truth and take action for the long term. You have to be willing to change your behavior if you want a different outcome. You have to be willing to take the risks necessary to get what you want. If you’ve already taken an initial step in the right direction, now’s the time to plan additional steps to keep moving you forward, faster. Isn’t it a great relief to know that you can make your life what you want it to be? Isn’t it wonderful that your successes do not depend on someone else?

So if you need just one thing to do different today than you did yesterday, make it this: Commit to taking 100% responsibility for every aspect of your life. Decide to make changes, one step at a time. Once you start the process you’ll discover it’s much easier to get what you want by taking control of your thoughts, your visualizations, and your actions!

© 2008 Jack Canfield

On Regrets and Failures –

A famous cliche says,

Live life without regrets.

It is a very positive thought – an almost reassuring advice that promotes positive thinking. It teaches us to be careful of our decisions and be accountable for the consequences it may face us with. One might ponder how we can always be wise on our decision making when a lot of things in life are uncertain.
Sometimes, I wonder if we can really live life without regrets. Is it even possible to never have wished that you chose a different path? Is there even one uman being who can even say such?
I believe regrets play a big role in one’s success. Failures, Disappointment and Mistakes are all forms of regret. The key is how we handle it. If we hold on to regret, we are allowing it to overpower the good that is yet to come. It blinds us of the beauty that we are surrounded with. I say, let our regrets in life lead us to the success that we are meant to grasp. Let us learn from each and every failure so we can rise and march on to the skinny road to success.

This video from Honda gives us a wonderful insight on how failure can bring us success.

          Failures – Secret to Success

2 Weddings, the Holidays and Boracay!!!

Yup!  We were busy.

2 Weddings, the Holidays and Boracay… all bundled into 4 weeks of enjoyment…  Our trip to the Philippines.

We have taken close to 4,000 pictures and that’ll explain why this post.  In other words, I am too lazy to upload the photos again so here I am writing this so I can share the links to the previously uploaded pictures.  I suggest you take your pick of which one to view now and then come back for the others.  Or, you can also view them all if you wish.  Enjoy!

Let me start with the wedding of our youngest sibling.  The wedding location?  Legazpi City in Bicol.  Wonderful city, gracious people and the amazing Mayon Volcano.  And then the wedding - This was the Divine Wedding of Tato and Stacy.

Then came the holidays… Christmas 2008 has been the best Christmas, so far.  Especially for the kids, it was the craziest too – much different from the “Christmas – Just the Four of Us” that they have been used to.  New Year’s Day was equally fun.

After the New Year’s Day celebrations, we had a few days to meet up and dine with our friends.  Then, the most awaited Boracay trip.  It’s a place that one has to see to truly appreciate it’s glory.  It’s a mix of the oh so soothing and relaxing ambience of the beach and the everyday chaos of suburban life.  There’s nothing like it.  Squeezing this side trip was a good decision.  Boracay!

The second wedding was in Manila.  Pope Pious and Baluarte de San Diego.  It was another exquisite ceremony followed by an intimate celebration under the biggest full moon of the year.  This was Randy and Thessa’s wedding.

There you have it!  All albums in one page.  I have more but then, this should be enough for now.  Have fun!!!

Oh… I know I’ve been away and missing in action but here’s hoping that 2009 will bring out the a much more active blogger in me.

Happy New Year!!!

Which one are you?

I am a quiet achiever.  For me, I find that it is more of a strength than a weakness.  i do see the fact that sometimes people can take advantage.  I am aware of that.  The key is to be very careful and very aware of what’s going on around you.  It won’t hurt to be a little paranoid, especially in the workplace.

Also, surround yourself with good friends.  I’ve been blessed with a bunch.  I will forever be grateful for that.

Another good article from Anna Johnson -

Champion Personality

Have you ever felt drained, tired, stuck or just that you’ve had enough?  These 4 questions might move you to push a little harder.  Just a little bit is all you need to get out of that pit that you are in.  Read up and learn… it’s been a reminder for me.

Another wise article from Anna Johnson -

“Just When You’re About To Give Up… Do This…”

Whether it’s saving money… writing a novel… losing weight… getting fit… building a business… overcoming an addiction… or doing anything else worthwhile…

…chances are that at some point along the way it’s gonna get tough.

Your mind or body or both will be screaming for you to stop.

That it’s all too hard. That you just can’t continue. That you’ll never achieve your goal. That you should just quit right now.

And you know what? It’s what you do at that very moment that will separate you from the wannabes, also-rans, and, dare I say, losers.

You’ll keep on going. It’s gonna hurt. It’s gonna be tough. But you’ll press on regardless.

Why will you continue when everything and everyone (including part of YOU) will be telling you to quit? Because you’ll answer four simple questions:

1. Why are you doing this?
2. How will you feel when you reach your goal?
3. How will you feel if you give up?
4. Can you just go a little further?

Your answers should leave you in no doubt that you CAN and WILL push onward.

And by the way, when you’re in super pain, it’s Question 4 that might well be the clincher. If you can go just a little further… and then a little further… and then a little further… the end will be in sight before you know it.

Want to see people fighting onward through incredible pain when their bodies are urging them to stop?

Watch the Olympics. In particular, watch any middle or long distance swimming, cycling or running event. I GUARANTEE that every one of those athletes reaches a pain crescendo where their bodies want to do nothing but stop. But Olympic athletes don’t quit – they push harder. And that’s WHY they are Olympians.

By simply pushing on despite the odds… despite the pain… YOU too are a champion.

Exactly!

Sometimes, when i am at work or at my kids’ practices and games, I hear people around me complaining and whining about everything under the sun.  I am not a fan of complaining so obviously, being around all these just drains me.  A lot of times I want to say what Anna Johnson in her newsletter talked briefly about… 

“The Wisdom of ‘Put Up or Shut Up’”

You’ve probably heard the old saying: “put up or shut up”.

In other words, if you’re unhappy with a situation… either do something about it or stop complaining about it.

As simplistic or harsh as it may sound, there’s a lot of wisdom in that concept.

Because you really do have a choice between doing something positive… and doing something negative… about a bad situation.

You either change the situation – or how you feel about the situation – or you accept it and stop obsessing about it. Both are relatively positive ways of dealing with it. Doing nothing is less so, but still better than the alternative, which is to keep on complaining.

Even if you take steps to change… constantly whinging and whining is effectively recycling bad feelings over and over.

Don’t do it. Put up or shut up instead.

~ Anna Johnson ~

Exactly!!!  Do you feel my pain?      It gives a situation a heavy feeling.  And as people talk about it, it makes it worse until you find yourselves in a pit struggling to get out of it.  It’s not worth it.  I believe that just as we try to choose our battles when dealing with our kids, so do we need to choose what is worth obsessing about in our lives.  I can’t live my life complaining about everything around me.  I just can’t do it.  There are so many people and things that are much more important and I am not wasting my energy worrying about “nothing” in my eyes. 

Kitchen Remodel… Before and After

I am participating in the Hooked on Houses House Tours Blog party.  Head on over there after you view this post for amazing house tours – they’re all just breathtaking.

I am showcasing the amazing (in my mind) transformation of a 50-year old kitchen.  It’s a bit old-fashioned with modern touches.  But then again, we have a 50-year old house.  Enjoy!

I thought posting the bare after pictures with it will help us appreciate the difference much more so here they are.   Forgive the “yellowness” of these pictures.  It’s the camera’s fault!  I have a better quality semi-finished set of after pictures of my dream kitchen in a previous post.

Just note that this was a 50-year old kitchen and we had to tear down all the walls and ceiling.  It was plaster and you know how bad that could go.  Demolition took a week and a half.  Oi!

Do you see how the drawers and cabinet doors don’t close?  Well, it was worse inside.  The lower drawers were never used by us – and the dishwasher was filled with plastic bags.  I guess the previous owners used it to hold stuff and not dishes.

We replaced the refrigerator just 2 years ago so we are keeping that for now.  The floors had 3 layers of plywood and 4 linoleum (vinyl) sheets in between.

What?  Tiles on the walls?  Ummm…. yes!

On the right side of the bottom picture are wood panellings.  It’s really in good shape and I think we kept some of it but it’s really not my taste for this kitchen.

Do you see now how it was?     But yup!  we used it for 3 years.  It was alright, just not comfortable.

And now, the bare after pictures…

We replaced the windows when we first moved in so that wasn’t touched.  Do you see the tag on the window?  Yes, it’s been there for 3 years.  We never removed it.

Notice the island legs.  That’s my pride and joy.  Rather than spending $2040 FOR 3 if we order them from the manufacturer, we bought materials and stain and polyurethane – all for under $300!  Similarly, we didn’t order the moldings from them.  Instead of paying $1200, we spent less than $100 for the top and bottom wall cabinet moldings.  That’s huge savings!  And we love them.

At this time, the kitchen hood still had it’s plastic cover that’s why it is white.  We used two colors of granite for the countertop,  Santa Cecilia and Black Galaxy.  It’s perfect!  The backsplash wasn’t expensive but the glass tiles in between the plain marble tiles and the upper portion was a bit.  It matches the square glass tiles scattered by the stove. 

So here they are, with under-cabinet lighting and all.  IT’S ALL WORTH IT!

I love every bit of it.  It is much more meaningful since we were the ones who picked everything.  We were scared and concerned that our choices wouldn’t come out well together.  In the end, I think it did.  What do you think?

My Dream Kitchen

Here they are!  Pictures…

When these pictures were taken, it was about a week after the kitchen was done so it was on it’s way to completion. 

We eventually replaced the microwave with a bigger and better kind (that matches).  We also hide the rice cooker as much as we can because it’s too white  .  We are Asian so rice is a staple. 

And then we added accessories around the kitchen. 

We saved quite a bunch by not ordering the moldings and the island legs from the manufacturer.  We bought them… and stained them… and and polyurethaned them.  It turned out really well.

I thank my husband for making this happen.  I truly appreciate every single moment that we spend in the kitchen.  I will continue to thank him through the most obvious way… his stomach!

Living in North Jersey, I think we are blessed with the size of it.  Now, I am still debating if I would post the before pictures.  I didn’t realize how old it was until we had it redone.  Would you be interested?

Law of Attraction…

Ok, I know this can be controversial.  We can go on and believe (or not believe) this “law” all we want but this article from Jack Canfield makes real sense.  I do believe it but I would not go all the way to the extreme and assume reasons for people getting “not favorable” days.  I know for a fact that one’s attitude affects everything that we do.  If we’re excited, things tend to come out right.  If we are dreary and whiny, everything seems too hard to handle.  Is it vibrations?  Maybe, or maybe not.  Looking at the positive side of every situation greatly affects the outcome.  Enjoy this reading:

Utilizing The Law of Attraction
by Jack Canfield

The law of attraction states that you will attract into your life–whether wanted or unwanted–whatever you give your energy, focus, and attention to.

You are constantly giving off vibrations of energy when you think and feel. These vibrations can be picked up and received by other people. That’s why people say, “he has good vibes,” or “he gives off bad vibes.” You are constantly giving off vibrations — literally!

If you’re feeling excited, enthusiastic, passionate, happy, joyful, loving, appreciative, abundant, prosperous, relaxed and peaceful, you are giving off positive vibrations.

On the other hand, if you are feeling bored, anxious, worried, confused, sad, lonely, hurt, angry, resentful, guilty, disappointed, frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed out, or depressed, then you are giving off negative vibrations.

The law of attraction states that the universe responds to whatever you are offering — by giving you more of whatever you are vibrating. It doesn’t care whether it is good for you or not; it simply responds to your vibration.

If you saw the film The Secret, you saw this explained in great detail.

The problem is that most of the time, you are not aware of what vibration you are offering. You are simply responding to things outside of you–current events, the news, how people treat you, the stock market, how much money you are making, how your children are doing in school, whether or not your favorite sports team wins–and then having a feeling that is either positive or negative.

When you are simply responding unconsciously to what happens around you, you tend to stay “stuck” in your current condition. This is why most people’s lives never seem to change very much. They get stuck in a repeating cycle of recreating the same reality over and over by the vibration they are sending out.

It works like this… First you observe what you currently have and are currently receiving in your life. You call this your “reality.” You respond to what you observe with a feeling, positive or negative, which then gives off that vibration to the universe. The law of attraction then responds to this vibration and brings you more of what you were vibrating. This keeps the cycle going over and over, until you choose to change it through the exertion of your will. You are a victim of your lack of awareness of the law of attraction.

The Process of Intentional Creation

It is possible to get out of this vicious cycle and create what you want instead of continually recreating what you already have. It is a simple three step process that you can begin immediately.

If you’ve been implementing the action steps I coach you through in The KEY to Living the Law of Attraction, you have already begun this process.

Step 1: Identify what you truly desire & eliminate the negative

It is important to focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want. You must state it in the positive and filter out the words don’t, not and no. Remember, your mind works in pictures and if you say I don’t want to be mad, you are creating the picture and thus the vibration of being mad. You must create the opposite of what you don’t want.

Step 2: Raise your vibration level

Your job in stage two is to create a vibrational match for that which you say you want to have. How would you be feeling if you already had those things–the perfect job, the perfect relationship, the mount of money that you want to have?

Your job is to identify what makes you feel good and do more of it, then learn not to tolerate your negative feelings.

Affirmations are an important component in raising your vibrational level to what it is you want. Remember, the law of attraction does not respond to the words you use or the thoughts you think. It simply responds to how you feel about what you say and how you feel about what you think.

For information on how to create even more effective affirmations, review chapter 10 in The Key to Living the Law of Attraction, where you’ll find my guidelines for creating effective visualizations.

Step 3. Release it and allow it.

In this third step you simply release your affirmation, your vibration, and your feelings to the universe to take care of your “request” or “order” as I call it. But you have to abstain from any doubts. If you doubt you can have it in any way, then you are not allowing it. You are pushing it away and you end up with contradictory messages to the universe

It is only when the contradictory thoughts, talk, and images are removed that your desired results will manifest. The faster you remove your resistance, the faster your dreams can be realized.

© 2008 Jack Canfield